SATAN’S TRAPS: INSECURITY (2 of 5

Satan’s trap of “Insecurity” (2 of 5).

Unfortunately many of us struggle through a life based on
the opinions and perceptions of others, rather than celebrating
how much the Lord loves us and wants what is best for us.

There may be times whenever the Lord speaks to us
through someone else, and it should cause us to assess
our relationship with Him, but not plunge us into a
permanent state of insecurity.

We need to choose to rise above the influences that have
contributed to any devastating feelings of insecurity.
When we belong to the Lord, we are never losers,
because he doesn’t create “junk”,
and He has a purpose for each of his creations.

There are many contributing factors (Satan’s tools)
which can cause our feelings of insecurity.
Even though we may have experienced some of these
examples (which is by no means an exhaustive list),
we can overcome, because we belong to the Overcomer.

WHAT CAUSES A FEELING OF INSECURITY?

1. An unpredictable childhood environment
     (growing up in an unstable environment).
     – An environment where nothing is certain.
     – An environment that is out of balance.
     – An environment that causes one to be on edge all the time.
     Note:
           It could be the result of an alcoholic father;
           It could be because there was no father at home.
           It could be because parents were always arguing,
            screaming, and fighting (each one may have even
            threatened to leave and end the relationship).

2. Experiencing some tragedy early in life.
     – Loss of a father or loss of a mother.
           – Unable to adjust to the loss.
           – Losing a mother early in life
              is like losing the anchor in our life.
           – Losing a father can
              create feelings that security has been lost.
           – Some people never adjust
              to the loss of a parent early in life.

     – Some major failure in life.
             – Financial failure.
             – Job failure.
             – Family breakup.
             – Loss of a relationship with others (or a group).

3. Under-developed skills and talents (with no encouragement)
     – We didn’t develop
        and make use of some skill or talent we have.

     – We didn’t have anyone to motivate and encourage us.

     – It causes us to face life with an attitude of:
             – “I’m not up to it”
             – “I don’t feel that I match up with others”
             – “I don’t feel I can handle any situations”

     – It causes us to feel we are not accepted in life.

     – We feel shy and/or withdrawn
        (these feelings can cause others
        to misinterpret who we really are).
             – If we have feelings of inadequacy,
                then others will assume we are inadequate.

4. Living under unrealistic rules and regulations.
     – Sometimes parents establish rules
        that they didn’t live by,
        that they couldn’t live by,
        but they expect their children to live by them.

     – Sometimes rules are established
        because the parents are not…
             – Being who they should be in front of their children.
             – Doing what they ought to do before their children.
        Note:
             They do the opposite of
              what they are asking of their children.
        Note:
             Kids are not dumb – they know their parents
              couldn’t live under those rules.

             If they ask, “Is that how you lived?”,
              the parents change the subject, or say
              “These are our rules and you HAVE to live by them”.

     Note:
          There should be principles to live by,
           but setting unrealistic rules can be frustrating
           to a child, and can cause them to be insecure
           (because there is no way they can
           succeed in obeying the rules).
                – Kids feel like they have to
                   jump a little higher each day.
                – If their best grade was a “C”,
                   the parents may demand that
                   they should have gotten an “A”
                   (same thing if they make a “B”).
               – This makes a child feel that
                   he or she can never please their parents.

5. A poor body image.
     – “I’m too skinny, I need to be larger”

     – “I’m too large, I need to be smaller”

     – “I’m too tall, I need to be shorter”

     – “I’m too short, I need to be taller”

     – “My hair is the wrong color, or texture”

     – When we constantly compare ourselves to others,
        we can create insecurities in our life.

     – A lot of our comparisons are triggered
        by something someone else said.

6. Growing up without positive feedback.
     – Kids need someone to tell them
        when they do something good
        (it may not have been VERY good, but it was GOOD).

     – Kids need parents who realize the maximum abilities
        of their children (and accept their limitations).
             – They may be great in some areas, average in others,
                and below average in others.
             – When parents know and accept their limitations,
                then….
                     – They know when to give positive feedback.
                     – They know what is good
                        and what is great for their children.

     – Parents need to be able to say,
        “I know you might could have done better,
         but I’m glad you did the best you could.
         You gave it your best effort and I’m happy with that”

     – Some kids may be great athletes, but weaker in learning.

     – Some kids may be great students, but weak in athletics.

     – Some kids may be average, but average in a lot of areas.

     – Size may limit their abilities;
        concentration and attention span may be handicaps.
     Note:
          When we are honest with ourselves,
          we know that we all have some limitations.

     – Parents need to encourage their children
        to always do the best they can do
        (and be happy (even proud) of their efforts).

     – Tearing them down doesn’t do any good for anyone.
             – The children can become insecure.
             – The parents can get into a mode of always
                 pointing out the negatives (or failures).

     Note:
          Pride and jealousy are choices, but insecurity is a condition
           (often as a result of the influence of others
           …parents need to stay off that negative influence list).
     Note:
          Sometimes it is a result of things we do to ourselves.

     Note:
          We can become insecure when we are overshadowed
          by another member in the family, someone…
               – Who is more athletic.
               – Who makes better grades.
               – Who has more friends.
               – Who is better looking.
               – Who we just can measure up to.
                  Parents need to avoid phrases like,
                  “I don’t know why you can’t be more like your brother,
                  or sister” (God didn’t make us like our brother or sister).

          When parents constantly brag on one child
           and fail to praise the others, it can cause
           all kinds of insecurities in the others.
                – When they feel their mother or father…
                       – doesn’t appreciate them,
                       – doesn’t love them,
                       – loves the other children more,
                   …it can cause insecurity in the lives of their children.

               – It is an injustice when parents
                  compare their children to each other.
                      – God doesn’t give families two children
                         who are alike (they’re all different).
                      – Sometimes the child who is the biggest challenge,
                         is the very one that God can do the most with
                         later in life.
                      – Parents have no idea what God has planned for their
                         children, and they can devastate a child with words like,
                             – “Why don’t you ever…?”
                             – “Why don’t you look like…?”
                             – “Why don’t you do better with…?”
                             – “Why can’t you…?”
                            Comparing them to each other benefits no one.

               – Parents should have an attitude of:
                      – “I’m going to help you develop your skills”
                      – “I want you to be the best you can be”

Note:
     – It seems to be much easier to criticize –
     – A lot of times it’s a result of pride in the parents
        (especially when comparing their own children
         to the children of other families).

Note:
     – A child does not reason with himself
        and decide if he or she is becoming insecure;
        he or she can grow into it
        as a result of his or her environment.