I’M SAVED, NOW WHAT? (part-54)

I’M SAVED, NOW WHAT?

CHILDREN
Since God made us, He has the option of deciding what’s best for us.
We do the same thing for our children, don’t we? Although we would
like to give them everything they want, we determine what is good for
them and what could cause problems. God gave us children to raise
and nurture them, which means we are guided by His direction and
not influenced by the actions of other parents.

As an example, we can feel pressured by other parents who give their
children everything they want. Although we would like to give our
children a car of their own as soon as they get their driver’s license
or permit, we know that they are not ready for that responsibility at
such an early age, so we choose to wait until they are older.

If our choices are a result of peer pressure from other parents, we will
ignore the way God is instructing us to raise our children in order to
‘keep pace’ with other parents. Why would we do that? Are we more
interested in the opinion of others than we are in allowing God to
guide us in grooming our children for life in general?

Some parents feel that even when their children are older, it is better
to require their children to contribute toward the purchase of a car,
rather than spoiling them by giving them one. There are some parents
who tell their kids that they can buy their own car whenever they have
earned all the money required to purchase it.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving to our
kids, but we need to be sure of our motivation for giving.
For instance, our giving should not
be a result of any of these reasons:
    1. It is easier to ‘give in’ than it is to deal
       with the whining, pouting and pitching fits.

    2. We feel that it will show others that we are good parents
        when we give our children everything they want.

    3. We are giving due to peer pressure from other parets. In
        other words, we feel an obligation to give to our children
        in the same way that they give to their children.

Some give abundantly to their children and some set limits on
how much they give to them. Neither group is better or worse
than the other, as long as our motivation for giving is good. We
need to keep God ‘in the loop’ and depend on His guidance of us
and our family. We all have experienced the joy of surprising
our children with something they were not expecting. Witnessing
our child’s happiness is one of the greatest rewards of being a parent.

When God blesses us with children, He expects us to take care
of them and teach them how to develop into an adult, with a
sense of responsibilities. He doesn’t want us to ‘use’ them as
an ego feed for ourselves, but to raise them in a manner that
pleases Him and will instill in them a desire to love Him and
want Him to be a part of their life.

Certainly there is nothing wrong with being proud of their
accomplishments when they are young, and even later in life
when they are adults. While they are in the process of growing
up under our care and nurturing, we need to be sure we include
teaching them how to be responsible.

If we fail in this area, we have done our kids an injustice. As a
result, we could possibly see all kinds of problems with them
and their lifestyles as they grow into adulthood. They need to
be taught (by us) that life has disappointments and understand
how to deal with them.

Quite often children who have been spoiled as a child will walk
away from responsibilities and commitments when they don’t
get their way as an adult. Granted, some kids make bad choices
when they are adults regardless of our efforts, but teaching them
responsibility could help to reduce the risk of their making bad
choices when they are older. The scriptures give us good advice
about preparing our children for adulthood.
    Start children off on the way they should go,
    and even when they are old they will not turn
    from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

In another scripture we are reminded to teach our
children and grandchildren the things we have learned.
    Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that
    you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let
    them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach
    them to your children and to their children after them.
    (Deuteronomy 4:9)

I wish I could say that I was the perfect parent, but the truth is
I don’t believe such a person exists. Our best hope is to pray
often about raising our kids, stay in a close fellowship with the
Lord, don’t view our children as trophies, and try to teach them
the really important things in life. It is not what we ‘do’ for our
children, but what we have ‘taught’ them to do for themselves
that helps them to become successful human beings.

I have seen parents allow their kids to try something on their
own but quickly jump in and do it for them. They think they
are teaching their kids when they intervene to show and explain
to them how to do something. The reality is, kids want to learn
by doing and not by watching. Sometimes the kids will get bored
from watching their parent doing something and walk off to do
something else on their own.

I experienced this firsthand when I was growing up. My dad seldom
gave me the opportunity to try something myself and the few times
that he did, at the first sign of a mistake, rather than explaining it
to me, he would tell me that I didn’t know what I was doing and
would finish it himself.

He was right…of course I didn’t know what I was doing, that’s why
I was trying it! But in order to know what I was doing the next time,
it would have helped if he had given me verbal instructions and
encouragement. I didn’t need or appreciate his shoving me out
of the way so he could show me how he does it.

Naturally we don’t want our kids to injure themselves in the process
of learning, but as long as they are safe and we can fix whatever they
mess up, it is important to allow them the opportunity to fail. Some
of the greatest scientists in the world experienced many, many failures
before succeeding. Failure doesn’t mean a person is ignorant or
a failure, it is a part of the learning process.

Consider the following quotes:
    “You always pass failure on your way to success.” (Mickey Rooney)

    “Failure is the tuition you pay for success.” (Walter Brunell)

    “Success represents the 1% of your work which results
      from the 99% that is called failure.” (Soichiro Honda)

    “The season of failure is the best time for sowing the seeds
      of success.” (Paramahansa Yogananda)

    “Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure. It’s built
      on frustration. Sometimes it’s built on catastrophe.”
      (Sumner Redstone)

    “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”
      (Truman Capote)

    “Remember that failure is an event, not a person.”
      (Zig Ziglar)

    “Its fine to celebrate success but it is more important
      to heed the lessons of failure.” (Bill Gates)

    “Do not be embarrassed by your failures,
      learn from them and start again.” (Richard Branson)

    “I can accept failure – everyone fails at something.
      But I can’t accept not trying.” (Michael Jordan)

    “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again,
      this time more intelligently.” (Henry Ford )

    “My great concern is not whether you have failed,
      but whether you are content with your failure.”
      (Abraham Lincoln)

    “I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt
      discarded is another step forward.” (Thomas Edison)

    “Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.”
      (F. Scott Fitzgerald)

    “Our best success often comes after
      our greatest disappointments” (Henry Ward Beecher)

As stated earlier, I am far from perfect but I do remember what my
son said to me once when we were in the car. He was ten years old
and out of the blue he asked, “Dad, when you were a kid did your
parents give you everything you wanted?”

When I told him they didn’t, he asked, “Is that why you don’t give
me everything I want?” I told him that it probably had an influence
on my thinking and I went on to explain my reasons. I felt it was a
teaching moment so we talked about possible risks of  giving kids
everything they want. Now he has four kids of his own and has some
parenting skills that I missed out on (possibly because my dad and I
did not have the same kind of conversations when I was a kid).

Years later I’m pretty sure he understood when I told him that if he
wanted a car, he needed to earn enough money to pay for it. When
he had saved enough to get a used car and found the one he wanted,
I drove him to the seller’s house, gave him some advice on negotiating
and let him go (by himself) to talk to the owner about buying it.

When he returned to the car I could tell by the expression on his face
that he had been successful in getting them to sell it to him for a lower
price. I could have paid for it and negotiated with the seller myself, but
I would have missed the opportunity of seeing the look on his face,
which was priceless. Not only did it give him a feeling that he was
entering adulthood, but it also left him with some extra money to
get the car painted a color that he liked.

When he was ready to get it painted, I let him set everything up
and pay for it too. I could almost sense his confidence growing
each time I allowed him to assume responsibility for the things
he wanted. It would have be easy to pat myself on the back for
the way I handled these situations, but I know for sure that it
was a result of God guiding me through some teaching moments
with my son (God gets the credit, not me).

Later, when he entered the work force, I could see that he had a
level of confidence that ‘no mountain was too high to climb’. He
started a company for a short time and was comfortable meeting
with others to offer his services.

He didn’t get rich with the company and I’m not even sure he
broke even, but he showed a level of confidence that assured
me he could boldly attempt whatever opportunities came his
way throughout the rest of his life. Today he is vice president
with a multinational telecommunications company with revenue
exceeding $27 billion.

Now, back to the topic of prayer. We could ask the question,
“If God is all powerful and if He loves us, then why does He
need our prayers?” We know that God made the universe,
and He could have chosen not to create beings like Himself,
but He didn’t. He chose instead to make people who could
respond to His love and serve Him in whatever way He chooses.

He has also chosen to tie some aspects of His will to our actions and
prayers (we will see more about this when we look at James 5:16 later).
Prayers are our responses to His love for us. Prayers are how we
communicate with the Lord, and our prayers could quite possibly
have an impact on how the Lord responds to our requests.

When we think about it, prayers are for our benefit, aren’t they?
The more we pray, the closer fellowship we have with our Creator.
In addition, intercessory prayer (praying for others) helps prevent
us from becoming selfish people.

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