MARRIAGE: A BATTLEGROUND OR A BLISSFUL UNION?

SCRIPTURE:
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, 
nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 
(Galatians 3:28)

MEDITATION:
We can see in Galatians that 
Paul affirms the equality of men and women in Christ.
So what does he mean in Ephesians 5:22?
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

He is not undermining that status of equality of the husband and wife.
He is not speaking about one’s worth as a person.
He is addressing the different roles and responsibilities 
of husbands and wives.
Submitting to the husband, is submitting to the Lord over the husband.

Submission does not mean a wife has no voice in any decisions.
In fact, there are times when a wife can have insight to a situation 
that a husband may not perceive.
There are also times 
when a husband perceives things that a wife may not see.

This means that in a marriage, 
both the husband and wife depend on each other.
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united 
to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." (Ephesians 5:31)

To make it easier for a wife to voluntarily submit to her husband, 
the husband needs to assume his responsibility 
as the ‘spiritual leader’ in the home.
Some husbands fail in this area, so it is important for wives to encourage 
their husbands to accept and assume the responsibility God has given them.
In addition, they should pray for their husbands to assume this role.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives 
should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:24)

There are some things a husband can do that causes a wife to respect him 
and encourages her to submit to him, as the ‘church submits to Christ’.
At the same time, there are things a husband can do 
that damages a wife’s respect for him, and makes it difficult 
for her to assume her responsibility in the marriage.

A few of these are: 
unfaithfulness; abuse (physical or verbal); addictions; lack of respect 
for the wife; not being sensitive to her needs; failure to participate 
in disciplining the children; not assuming his role as the spiritual leader; 
being a controlling dictator; failure to show love; etc.
Conversely, a wife does not show respect by nagging,
or frequently pointing out her husband’s flaws and failures.

Paul tells us that a husband should love his wife as himself.
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. 
He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesian 5:28)
How does one love himself?
We could create a long list, but in summary, 
a person who loves himself is sensitive to, and attends to their needs.

In a marriage, it means that a husband has morphed into 
being an unselfish person, in the same manner that Christ 
was unselfish in His ‘marriage’ to the church.
After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, 
just as Christ does the church (Ephesians 5: 29) 
He should treat his wife in the same manner 
that he would treat Christ Himself.

Paul correlates this leadership role of the husband 
to Christ’s relationship to the church.
What kind of relationship does Christ have with the church?
He loves the church; 
He wants the church to be successful; 
He does not want dissension in the church; 
He dedicated His life to the church; 
He unselfishly sacrificed for the church; 
He led the church (by example); 
He provided guidance for the church; 
He is the Savior of the church.
Although a husband cannot be the wife’s savior as Christ is,
he can be a protector of his wife in every situation.

When two become one, it is a time to replace selfishness with selflessness.
If two “takers” marry, 
the marriage will be a union that is on dangerous ground.
However, if two “givers” marry, the new relationship can be dynamic and it 
can serve as a witness to others of what God intends for ‘two becoming one’.

Paul summarizes the roles of husbands and wives in a marriage:
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, 
and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesian 5:33)

ACTION:
God’s plan is marriage for a lifetime; consequently, He offers hope 
for every marriage, even during the most difficult circumstances.
He wants marriage to increase the joy of living, 
and not for it to create more problems.
Have you accepted God’s intended role for you in your marriage?

Are you a “giver” or a “taker” in your marriage?
Have you adapted to God’s intention for ‘the two to become one’,
or do you still have an independent role in your marriage?
Do you pray for your spouse daily?

Do you strive to strengthen your relationship with the Lord, 
so that you will improve your relationship with your spouse?
Do you accept and give heed to what God expects of you, or,
are you more focused on what your spouse should do?
A good marriage becomes a great marriage as each one 
assumes the role God has assigned to them, 
and as each one increases their fellowship with the Lord.

Pray,
“Heavenly Father, help me to understand the importance of my role in my 
marriage. Teach me to adapt to Your principles for marriage and to become 
less selfish. Show me how to be more loving and caring as I increase my 
relationship with You. Remind me of Christ’s love and concern for the 
church as I think about my relationship to my spouse.”